Damaged Goods
by XxsupersweetsealedwithakissxX
Summary: Jay feels sickened and alone after watching his brother commit murder, and being forced to lie for him. One night he has the misfortune to bump into a bored and horny Michael Moon hiding from his pregnant wife-to-be, and suddenly things get even more complicated and he has his own secrets to keep. Warning, Jay is 16 years old so if you're not from the UK this may be pedophilia.
1. Chapter 1

It was nearly midnight and Michael Moon was finally locking up the gym to go home. He was exhausted and fed up. Recently Janine and her bitch pregnancy hormones took every opportunity to undermine him and remind him how unmanly he was, how she was the one providing for them. He didn't understand why she even wanted to marry him, since she evidently didn't trust him or even seem to want him near her. And good god, he hadn't been this long without sex since before he hit puberty. A fact which he was planning to change tonight.

Except his plan to pick someone up in the R&R had failed because he caught some kid who belonged to the gym stashing a bloody sack full of heroin behind the lockers and had to stay and sort him out. After he and Jack roughed him up a bit the kid spilled the beans. It turned out to be a Mitchell business venture, which pissed him off since this was _his_ patch, and this explained why his own small network of minions were suddenly losing business.

He didn't want to go home where the bitch walrus would demand him to massage her flippers. He was gloomily walking through the square contemplating a night on a park bench when he realised it was already occupied. That skinny ginger kid Jay Mitchell who used to go boxing at the gym was sitting staring into space, a black sports bag between his feet. Though thinking about it he wasn't a kid anymore really. He'd left school and was working full time at Phil's garage, had a steady thing going with that irritating niece of Jack's.

He smirked. He suddenly remembered the smack and syringes in his jacket pocket he'd taken on impulse from the stash at the gym, and smirked harder.

He felt his evil mojo returning with each moment.

Jay was cold inside his navy overalls, but he was always cold now. He couldn't eat or sleep without waking up covered in sweat. He couldn't stop thinking about the look in Ben's eyes as he smashed that photo frame into poor Heather's skull. It was driving him insane, the tense atmosphere in the house, all the secrets, Shirley's constant crying, Phil watching him like a hawk, Ben's terrifying lack of any concern for anything other than his own wellbeing. It made him sick to call him his brother.

He apologised to Heather over and over in his mind like a mantra.

He felt so alone. He wanted his real dad so badly it physically ached.

"What's up with you?" came the vaguely familiar voice. He looked up, it was Michael, Janine's sharkish boyfriend who always wore suits and seemed to get on everybody's bad side.

"Nuffing." He replied absently as had become a reflex.

"Then why aren't you at home playing video games or something?"

Jay shrugged, "Don't feel like goin 'ome. You?"

"Oh I'd love to be able to go home but it's currently being occupied by a rather bad tempered mammoth. Why don't you want to go home?"

Jay shrugged and looked at the ground.

"Alright fine, just thought you looked like you needed somewhere to stay. But…" Michael turned to leave.

"Wait." Jay said. Michael smiled.

"Come over to my old flat with me if you want. But you'd better hurry up. Phil's just come out of your house to look for you."

Michael shoved him up against the door of the empty flat the moment they were through the door.

"What the 'ell're you doing?" Jay looked more curious than alarmed.

"Your old man's been poking his nose in where it don't belong." Michael finally murmured, deliberately leaning forward so their faces were right up close. To his pleasure, he saw that Jay's mind immediately went _there_ at the speed characteristic of teenage boys, as his nervous blue eyes flicked from Michael's eyes to his mouth, unable to concentrate on what he was saying. Gay or straight, he was evidently not adverse to Michael's proximity.

"So? Ain't got nuffing to do with me. I'm a mechanic not a criminal." Jay could not take his eyes off his mouth. This was fun.

"Maybe so, but chances are anyone living with Philip Mitchell is hardly pure as the driven snow."

Jay looked away and clenched his jaw.

"You want to work on your poker face boy. You look away every time you're hiding something, people will be able to read…" he poked his pale forehead multiple times "…your… every…thought."

Jay looked back at him defiantly.

"No matter what you have or haven't done." Michael smiled. "The point is, technically, you are my enemy." He raised his eyebrows at his own comment. The last part of his sentence inadvertently took a surprised tone, as he not only realised that this was the case, but also that this increased his enjoyment tenfold.

"Look, I don't want any trouble alright? I don't care about Phil, or Ben or anyone so just back off." Jay said angrily and pushed Michael off, finally seeming to decide there was no longer an excuse for them to be standing that way.

"All right, all right." Michael raised his hands. "In that case let us be reacquainted as equals"

He offered a hand. Jay shook it, though his glare said he knew Michael was taking the piss.

"Good. Drink?" Michael offered, walking through to the kitchen. Jay looked surprised and suspicious, but nodded. He could practically hear the kid wondering why a strange man was giving him alcohol in an empty apartment, and whether or not he minded if it was a sex trap.

For the first time he got a proper look at the apartment. Large living room with a leather sofa and a flat-screen TV, walls painted white, wooden floorboards with a black rug in front of the small fireplace. Next to it there were bookshelves with a dizzying number of large difficult looking books on it, and a well-stocked liquor cabinet. It was scarily clean and ordered like a show home meant to demonstrate the idea of a room rather than somewhere a person truly lived. To the right was what he assumed was the bedroom, to the left an archway which led into an equally neat kitchen. Jay suddenly felt out of place and dirty in his oil stained overalls.

Michael poured them both a scotch and sat down on the sofa. Jay followed him awkwardly, sitting at the far end.

"So. What brought you to a bench in the middle of the square at this time of night?" Michael asked.

"Dunno."

"Phil?"

"Sort of. It's just…not much fun being in our 'ouse at the moment."

"Right. That Heather woman. I'm sorry. She seemed nice."

"She was. She was the nicest person I ever met."

"Do they know who killed her yet?"

Jay shook his head and stared at his glass.

Michael was silent. He could sense that Jay wanted to talk about something.

"Are you okay?" he finally asked with his best approximation of a kind smile, the one he had to practise every morning in the mirror to stop himself forgetting how to do it.

Jay looked up at from his glass, seemingly startled by the question.

"Um I…I don't…yeah I'm fine"

His voice cracked and his eyes filled with tears. He stood up and set his glass down.

"I got to go. Thanks for the drink." He turned to leave. Michael stood up and caught his arm. Wordlessly he pulled the young man into a hug. Jay flinched, caught off guard. At first he seemed to be fighting against it, but the desire for comfort evidently outweighed his distrust and he wrapped his arms around Michael. He stopped crying immediately though, to Michael's relief.

Michael rested his chin against the short light-ginger hair. It was soft and clean, not laden with hair gel like many teenage boys.

The offer was on the tip of his tongue. _I have something which will make you feel better, relax you._

The beautiful image of Phil's face when he found out that Michael had taken revenge by seducing his own adopted son into the 'clientele' they both catered to was irresistible. He would regret poaching Michael's business as he watched Jay's life self-destruct. Not to mention Jay would be unable to resist (or even recall whether or not he _had_ tried to resist) Michael's advances once he was high.

But before he could make the offer Jay did something surprising. He lifted his head, gave Michael a dirty look, and then kissed him. Michael jerked away.

"Did you just…did you just try and _kiss_ me?" Michael said, as if the idea was so unbelievably ridiculous and appalling that he couldn't comprehend it. Inwardly he chuckled. The kid had played his hand too early.

Jay glared at him defensively.

"Ain't that why I'm here?"

Perceptive.

Michael let the silence drag on. He downed the last of his drink, his cold black eyes never leaving Jay's. He set the glass down.

"Teenagers." He said to himself, shaking his head. "You couldn't think of a single innocent reason I could have wished for your company?"

"No."

"Smart kid." Michael grinned, and kissed him violently, passionately like he'd never ever be kissed by lukewarm teenage girls like Abby Branning. He used his hands to direct Jay's head, get his tongue as far into his mouth as it could possibly go. Jay was strangely passive for one who had practically demanded it. He just stood still with his hands in his pockets while his mouth was thoroughly tongue-fucked.

Michael released him with a final sucking kiss in the tense silence. Watching, studying.

Jay subverted him annoyingly well by appearing disappointingly unruffled. Maybe he wasn't such a bad player after all. He'd allowed Michael the upper hand, but he knew instinctively that this was a dangerous man. He wasn't going to fall at his feet.

He didn't mind. He liked it that this boy held his own.

"Are you some sort of paedo?"

"How rude."

"Are you?"

"That depends. Are you a child?"

"No."

"Then evidently not."

A pause.

"Happy?" Michael said impatiently.

Jay thought for a second then nodded.

They kissed again. Michael let his hands go where they pleased this time. It'd been so long since he'd felt hard male torso in front of him, that forbidden flatness resisting against squeezing hands, the sculpted muscles, concave chest. He unzipped Jay's navy blue grease-monkey jumpsuit overalls and slipped his hands underneath the thin white T-shirt he wore underneath. Jay kissed him back now, or rather moved his mouth in order to better accommodate Michael's, (he was learning fast) but he still did nothing with his hands. Still resisting, overthinking, attempting to stay in control.

He was going to have to fix that. He broke off from the kiss and started nuzzling the soft white skin of the young man's almost femininely slender neck. Jay closed his eyes and smiled. Michael kissed one side and stroked the other with his thumb, and Jay tensed and clutched the lapels of Michael's jacket, like he was ticklish and was resisting the urge to raise his shoulders. Jay moaned quietly, _stop_, and started trying to find Michael's mouth for another kiss. Michael had other plans. He sank his teeth into Jay's neck a couple of inches below his left ear and sucked at it like a vampire.

"Oi!" Jay said indignantly. He shoved Michael's head away and placed a hand over the lovebite. Michael couldn't help smiling.

"How the 'ell am I gonna explain this to Abby? To Phil?" Jay lamented, turning to study it in the mirror.

Michael took Jay's distraction as an opportunity to give him another one.

"Fuck off! I'm serious!" Jay swatted at him, but then laughed good naturedly. "Cor you don't 'alf have a bite on you."

"If I do enough it'll look like you've been strangled." Michael stood behind him in front of the mirror and placed a hand around his neck semi-playfully. His reflection stared back at him, a jealous monster, possessively guarding the innocent youth. No wonder Jay had asked whether he was a paedophile. He certainly looked the predatory type.

"Right. Cos that'd be way easier to explain." Jay rolled his eyes.

"Just making an observation." He placed more slow, feather-soft kisses on the young man's neck, still watching himself in the mirror.

"Oi I'm serious, no more alright? I'm gonna have to wear a scarf or something as it is."

Michael looked at Jay in the mirror.

"You know I don't care about you right?" He said softly, brutally honest, while stroking lazy circles on Jay's flat stomach. He felt the boy stiffen up in shock.

"I know." He said finally. He sounded hollow. Empty. Dead behind the eyes, just like Michael. It turned him on.

He turned and they kissed backwards. Clumsy, frantic and desperate but it didn't matter. They may have been ten years apart in age, but life had spat on them both leaving them cold and self-destructive. He had finally found someone who understood that he just could not love. And still wanted him.

In an ironic way that sort of warmed his dead empty heart.

He let his fondling hand sink lower, clamping his fingers around Jay's groin and massaging it. Jay didn't react like he should have done. Didn't gasp or flinch in either anger or pleasure. Didn't react at all. He seemed to deal with uncomfortable sensations by pretending they weren't happening.

Taking this as a challenge, Michael pushed it further and slid his hand inside Jay's overalls so he could touch him through his underwear. Here Jay stopped him and turned away from him, biting the side of his thumb.

"What?" Michael asked, irritated.

"I dunno."

"You're not enjoying it?"

"I don't_ know_."

"Bullshit." He turned Jay back to face him, gripping his shoulder and pulling him up close. "You need to decide, now, whether you want this, because I'm not a teenager, I'm a man, and I can't guarantee I'll stop. Maybe that's wrong, I don't particularly care. Since you're new to this I'm warning you. The moment you give me permission, I will take what I want. And I'm not exactly the type to kiss and cuddle."

Jay glared at him. He looked properly angry now. Michael wondered for a moment if he'd leave.

"Oh yeah? What kind of man _are_ you then, cheating on your pregnant fiancée with a guy half your age?"

"Uh Pot. Kettle. Black. What was her name again? Oh yes. Abby. Dear, sweet, _trusting_ Abby. When did you turn your eye to blokes eh? When you were given shelter from Phil in their house, a roof over your head, accepted into the bosom of their family were you secretly eyeing up her daddy's arse?"

Jay punched him in the face.

Michael laughed, even though it hurt like a bastard.

"So you're violent in bed are you?" he gripped Jay's wrist, hard. "Don't take your frustrations out on _me_ boy, I can guarantee I'll be able to return them ten times worse. Trust me, you don't want to open _that_ door."

"Shut up!" Jay yelled, breathing heavily, regretting what he'd done.

Michael closed the distance between them and pushed Jay's overalls off his shoulders, peeling them down to his waist. Jay was ignoring him again, looking away, jaw clenched, which meant he wanted it but couldn't admit it. Michael took his chin and turned his face towards him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you angry." Voice soft again. Seductive.

"Didn't you?"

"Well maybe a little."

"Prat."

"Yeah."

They started kissing again. Michael dropped to his knees and kissed down Jay's chest and stomach, hands holding his hips. He didn't normally give blow jobs but when he looked up and saw the hunger he'd kindled in Jay's eyes, he decided this was a special occasion. He kissed and mouthed at his crotch, getting the cheap navy material wet with saliva and heating the skin beneath it with his breath, dragging his teeth across where the teenager's eager cock sat waiting for him to kiss it happy.

Jay breathed in sharply and placed a hand on the back of his neck, but instead of asking for more he knelt down so they were face to face, giving up the chance to be the dominant partner. Did he have something else in mind?

He reached for Michael's hand and placed it on his chest, timidly. Michael laughed softly. He knew Jay didn't really want it there, he wanted it between his legs like every other horny boy, but was trying to express himself politely. He was saying he was ready to pick up where they left off. It was a surrender.

Happy to accept this invitation, Michael slid his hand back down underneath the overalls, into the clammy heat inside his underwear. Jay reached for Michael's belt with shaking hands, shyly unbuckling, unzipping. Michael reached for the young man's hand and pushed it into his own trousers. Somehow the restriction of clothing, although annoying and never fully satisfying was still a turn on. Retaining the clothing barrier made the exchange interestingly calculated and deliberate, not sweaty and frantic and over too soon.

He pleasured himself with Jay's sweaty hand, and Jay with his other until they found a rhythm and Jay took over and he lost track of whose hands were whose and he didn't care as long as Jay kept making those breathy moans which tickled his ear and somewhere inside his gut. Jay's eyes were closed and he was biting and mouthing against Michael's jaw between moans.

Jay suddenly pulled him down so Michael was lying on top of him, sprawled on the wooden floor across the threshold of the bedroom which they had never quite made it into. He shoved his knee between Jay's legs and they abandoned hands in favour of sharp grinding thrusts. A juvenile imitation of fucking which Michael would have strongly objected to had he not been so close to coming. Coming on Jay's thigh.

Jay suddenly increased the pace, giving loud, horny moans which were immensely flattering, but making it difficult for Michael to hold off his orgasm, and he refused to be made to come first by a teenager. Luckily he didn't have to wait long. Jay pulled him down for a kiss which turned into him shouting his ecstasy into Michael's mouth. Michael didn't even care that he'd been tricked into kissing him while he came, because the _way_ he came made Michael almost want to photograph him.

It was at once honest and vulnerable and euphoric and hedonistic and self-conscious and sad, and the expression of pleasure on his face bore intriguing resemblance to pain. His whole body convulsed and shuddered underneath him again and again for an impossibly long time, and then the strength drained out of him and he collapsed, laughing dizzily. Michael grabbed Jay's hand and wrapped it around his dick again, getting it to jerk him off properly while he was too knocked out to object. He came quick and hard and a lot, getting it all over the young man's hand and between his thighs.

Defiling him before he disposed of him.

He was finished and cleaned up and tucking his shirt in by the time Jay had picked his brains up off the floor. Michael sat on the sofa and lit a cigarette. Jay propped himself up on his elbows and watched him with an expression which was at the same time satisfied and disillusioned.

Michael watched back.

"you look thoroughly fucked." He commented.

"Thanks." Jay said sarcastically. "You don't exactly look like James Bond yourself at the moment."

Michael smiled. "Are you implying that I normally look like James Bond?"

Jay blushed.

"The Bond villain more like." He gave a wry smile. "I can see you twirling a moustache and laughing manically."

Michael found this incredibly amusing.

"Are you planning on getting up off my floor any time soon?" he asked.

"Are you planning on screwing me again?" Jay asked, unusually cocky.

"Oh please. We hardly screwed. I've had more hardcore encounters with the old bird from the charity shop. Not voluntarily mind, but still..."

"I didn't hear you complaining." Jay said huffily.

Michael chuckled. He strangely liked after-sex Jay. The confrontational bravado, the defensive wit and banter. It promised all kinds of teasing and games. Except that they had technically done what they were here for, and already Jay had questioned whether or not there would be another time, albeit subtly. Now was the time to think about getting him to leave.

"Won't your old man be doing his nut right about now?" he asked, blowing smoke.

"Nah he'll be asleep on the sofa or something." Jay said. Michael could tell he was lying.

"Can I have a fag?" Jay asked, finally getting to his feet.

"No."

"No?"

"Very bad for you."

"Seriously?" Jay laughed. "so I'm back to being a child now am I?"

Michael didn't reply.

"Oh I get it. You want me to leave."

Michael shrugged. "If you like."

Jay scowled at him, nicked the cigarette out of his mouth and put it into his own.

"You really are a cold bastard aren't you?" he said through gritted teeth.

Michael gave him a look as if to say, _and? Your point is?_

Jay zipped up his overalls and left, slamming the door behind him.

Michael smiled complacently, replaying their encounter in his mind. He really had been pleasantly surprised. Jay not only made an excellent verbal and physical sparring partner, but was also fantastically entertaining, and had good instincts and confidence in the sack for a beginner.

The most satisfying part had been freezing him out afterwards. Michael's favourite part of any one night stand. People gave up their mysteries so easily for self-gratification. And then they were boring.

He was about to reach for another cigarette when his eyes fell on the bag Jay had forgotten, next to him on the sofa. Idly he unzipped it and looked inside. He was expecting some kind of gym kit, sweaty clothes and towels, but the bag was packed with folded clothes, toothbrush, soap, passport, money. Too much money for an overnight bag. He had been planning on, or at the very least strongly considering running away when Michael had come across him. It seemed Jay still had a few mysteries of his own.

_Don't get involved. You already had sex. It's over._

He glanced at the bag.

"We didn't technically have sex." He reasoned.

_Yeah right._


	2. Chapter 2

Jay ran down the stairs and out across the square through the cold black drizzling rain. Phil opened the door and immediately demanded to know where he'd been, Ben lurking anxiously in the background. Both silently asking the same thing. _Did you keep your mouth shut? Are we safe?_

Jay shot them a furious look, aided by the contempt he felt towards Michael, which seemed to unnerve even Phil.

"I ain't _told_ anyone anything, don't worry. Now get out of my way please." Jay said boldly. Phil held his hands up exasperatedly.

"Fine. I can't deal with you at the moment. Go to bed. We'll talk in the morning." He growled and went upstairs. Ben followed him timidly.

Jay shut the front door and leaned back against the cold glass panel. He was furious, with Michael, with himself, with Phil and Ben for making him lie for them. He felt like he couldn't breathe, like he was being pulled in so many different directions he couldn't tell up from down. Why were people so complicated? Why did everyone have to keep themselves hidden by lying and keeping secrets?

He clung to the anger. It was easier than admitting how much he hated himself right now.

What had he imagined Michael would do? He had known from the start it was a onetime deal. Michael had even warned him:

_You know I don't care about you, right?_

_I'm not exactly the type to kiss and cuddle._

"Dammit!" Jay clutched his head and started to cry.

He just hadn't anticipated the speed at which Michael had turned from being the fired up, passionate lover, to an icy indifferent stranger. He had so desperately craved warmth and comfort he'd let himself believe that _Michael Moon_ could be the one to give it.

Michael. He'd lost his virginity to _Michael Moon_.

He laughed stutteringly between sobs. No one would believe it. _He_ barely believed it.

His hand crept down to the dried-on stain Michael had left on his thigh. He reached up with his other hand to touch the sore red marks on his neck.

His breathing steadied and he stopped crying as he remembered that moment in front of the mirror. The anticipation and dread. That's when he realised he wanted more.

"Dammit." He said again, wearily.

He supposed he shouldn't have been surprised that Michael ignored him completely the next day, but it still hurt.

Jay got up at six. He lived so close to the garage he didn't need to be up so early, but he wanted to avoid having breakfast with Ben. Looking into the eyes of a murderer while eating your toast was not an enjoyable start to the day. Spending all day in the garage alone with Phil was bad enough.

The first time he saw Michael that day he and Janine were coming out of their house, on their way to work. They looked like they were arguing, but Michael was laughing and Janine was beginning to laugh too. He put his hand on her arm to assist her down the stairs and Jay's stomach hurt with jealousy. They looked like the picture perfect family, loving husband and wife. No one would ever guess that Michael had just stuck his hands down the pants of a sixteen year old boy and then kicked him unceremoniously to the kerb.

Jay leant on the stone wall outside Phil's house in pyjamas, drinking coffee to keep himself upright even though he had always hated the taste, never understood why grown-ups drank it all the time until he joined the ranks of the nine to fivers and truly appreciated the value of caffeine. He willed Michael to look up and see him. He wanted to see some shred of guilt or embarrassment from him, but the man looked straight through him as if they'd never met before. Forget guilt, he wouldn't even show Jay recognition. It made him furious all over again.

He stared at Michael until he disappeared round the corner, then went back into the house to change for work.

The second time he saw him he was smoking and texting on his phone outside the Queen Vic. The smell of smoke reminded him of the taste when they kissed. He didn't look up from his phone as Jay walked past him into the pub where he was meeting Lola and Abby for lunch. Jay thought he saw him smirk to himself but it wasn't clear whether it was at Jay or at something he read in a text.

It was proper messing with his head. He was starting to doubt whether it _had_ actually happened. Michael was scarily good at acting.

He was watching Michael so intently that he failed to see Kat Moon, the landlord's wife open the door, and the hand he'd put out to push the door open grabbed her in a rather inappropriate place.

"I'm so sorry Kat! I didn't see you…I'm really sorry!" He stuttered, flushing bright red and wishing the earth would swallow him. It was made a thousand times worse by the fact that Michael's shoulders were now shaking with helpless laughter.

Kat had looked annoyed, but seeing Michael's tickled reaction convinced her it was a genuine accident and seemed to put her in equally good humour.

"Oi bit young for that aint'cha? Just you watch yourself womanizer or I'll tell Alfie you've been trying to grope his missus!" she laughed.

"Sorry." He said again sheepishly. She ruffled his hair and walked off. Michael still appeared to be dying against the wall, gasping for air and wiping tears of laughter out of his eyes. It was the happiest Jay had ever seen him look. He supposed at least he now knew for certain Michael hadn't miraculously suffered memory loss if he found his misfortune that funny. He glared at the older man and entered the pub, looking where he was going this time.

He was cheered up a bit when Lola and Abby found his story hilarious and spent the rest of their lunch breaks buying him food and randomly bursting into giggles whenever the conversation reached a pause.

Abby. He'd forgotten how nice she was. How pretty and cute and warm she was when she hugged him. She would never leave him feeling empty and cold, never bring him so close and then drop him five minutes later.

That was when he realised that he was gay.

He supposed it should have occurred to him before, it should have been obvious. He'd known straight away what would happen between them, from the moment Michael stood in front of him and casually invited him home. He was normally clueless about that kind of thing but some hidden instinct had activated and warned him. But he'd not really questioned his decision to play along, or the fact that he was attracted to the man. Michael projected a dominance, an innate arrogance which had held his attention for a long time. Jay had always secretly wanted to be him, to have that power. So it hadn't surprised him, the urge to submit to him when he first sensed the man's attention.

But now he realised that although he loved Abby, his best friend, the sweetest, kindest girl in the world, he felt absolutely no interest in what was beneath her clothes, while when he was with Michael that was _all_ he could think about. When he _wasn't _with Michael it was all he could think about, even though he hated the man.

For some reason the discovery comforted him in some ways. Phil would do his nut when he found out _both_ of his sons were queer, but tough. Jay had too much power over the man to be scared of his fists any more. It made some sense of what he and Michael had done. It made him feel like he had a choice, like he wasn't alone.

But it made him feel bloody awful when Abby was looking at him like he was her prince charming. He could never bring himself to tell her. He loved her, he really did. She was the best thing in his life at the moment and he needed her desperately. And it wasn't like they _had _to do things like that together. They hadn't before. Abby wasn't ready anyway.

They were about to say goodbye when to his horror he caught Lola staring one of the bruises on his neck, eyebrows raised. She looked like she was about to laugh and make a joke about it when she saw the look of panic on his face as he shook his head and tugged the zip of his overalls even further up his neck.

She rolled her eyes and looked exasperated. _Boys._ He could practically hear her sigh. But luckily she and Abby weren't that close, and with her illegitimate and probably illegally conceived baby on the way she was hardly in a position to give him a lecture on fidelity.

He cursed Michael in as many ways as he could think of on the way back to the garage, then nearly had a heart attack when he opened the door to find that very man making pleasant conversation with Phil.

_What the hell is he doing? _

"So you're saying you can have this done by tonight?" Michael said, ignoring Jay.

"Yeah…like I said, it probably won't take long to sort out." Phil sounded suspicious, "I've got to pop home to sort out some paperwork, but Jay'll take a look at it for you won't you Jay?"

Jay didn't reply, he was too stunned.

"I'm sure I'll be in safe hands." Michael kept his face deadpan.

Phil gave him an odd look, then nodded and left.

Jay's heart sped up. He didn't know why he was so scared all of a sudden. He'd never felt like such a kid, all mixed up in these adult games he didn't understand.

Michael smiled at him pleasantly, doing a perfect imitation of a polite customer.

Jay felt like he had no choice but to play along, and went to look at the car. It was a gorgeous black Mercedes belonging to Janine. He'd never had the chance to work on such a beautiful car before.

"What's the problem?" he asked, trying to sound professional.

Michael smiled and scratched his head.

"Uhh I'm not sure, the oil pressure light won't go off."

"You ever changed the oil before? When the filter element gets clogged up you can lose pressure."

Jay propped the hood up and bent over to inspect the engine, more for his own pleasure than because he needed to. He could feel Michael's eyes burning into the back of him, and suddenly felt very aware, and smug that perhaps Michael wasn't as indifferent to him as he was pretending to be.

"Sure. Sure you know I tried that but it didn't work. The filter element thing looked fine to me."

"That's odd." Jay smirked and let the hood back down with a snap.

He straightened up and wasn't at all surprised to feel Michael pressing against him. The older man ran a hand down his thigh.

"Since this model of Mercedes doesn't _have_ a filter element." He grinned, turning round.

"Oops." Michael smiled not looking at all sorry to have been caught out.

Jay knew he should have resisted, played harder to get. He had a thousand angry questions he'd wanted Michael to answer about what the hell he'd been playing at all day, why the hell he thought he could act like he didn't exist and then suddenly start flirting with him again, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to ruin the moment when Michael was kissing him to death against a beautiful Mercedes. He had to bite his tongue to keep from telling Michael everything, how much he'd missed him, how he couldn't stop thinking about him, how he couldn't bear it when he thought they were over.

Michael seemed equally pleased to see him, but not strictly in the emotional sense. Jay put his arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Michael pushed him gently, indicating that he should lie back on the bonnet of the car.

"We can't!" Jay laughed between kisses, "What if Phil comes back?"

"He won't. Besides this is my car. I can have sex on it if I want." He ground his crotch against Jay's.

"He uhhhmight! And ain't this Janine's car?" Jay panted, even as he felt himself doing what Michael wanted.

"Well we'll have to be quick then won't we? Come on…I've always wanted to do it on a car." Michael gave a mischievous grin and for a second Jay could see exactly what he must have looked like as a teenager. Not sarcastic or condescending or trying to flatter. He felt his heart give way and knew he couldn't resist him. Didn't want to resist him.

"Okay." _kiss_ "Mmmm-quickly."

The conversation turned into sloppy kissing and groping and grinding, and trying desperately not to slip off the shiny hood of the car, which unfortunately did not serve the practical purposes as well as Michael had imagined.

He wished he could say the novelty wore off after the first time, that this orgasm was less satisfying or addictive than the first, but it wasn't. He wanted it again and again even as it was shuddering out of him. He turned his face into Michael's neck and whimpered, determined not to scream while they were in public. He felt ridiculous when he realised he'd lasted less than a minute.

"Sorry…" he panted. "Are you…?"

"No." Michael sighed "Not even close."

Jay panicked. If he disappointed Michael sexually he knew he may not get another chance. He looked at his watch.

"Shit." He said. "Phil must be on his way back by now."

"It's fine. I'll just find somewhere to-"

Jay cut him off by putting a hand over his mouth. Michael looked at him inquisitively.

"Do as I say." Jay said, smiling, his heart racing. He took hold of Michael's black silk tie and tugged on it enticingly. He led Michael to the rear door of the car and opened it.

"Get in." he said. Michael raised his eyebrows, but did as he requested.

Roughly five minutes later Jay climbed out of the car looking extraordinarily pleased with himself, his ginger hair sticking up slightly more than it had previously. Michael followed behind looking equally content, doing up his belt and staring at Jay's arse.

"Well…that was unexpected." He said.

Jay smiled uncertainly. For a moment neither of them spoke.

Michael reached out and wiped the last traces of their activities from around Jay's mouth with his thumb, then pushed it into Jay's mouth, getting him to suck it off. Jay felt a little bit sick but he did it anyway, curled his tongue around his thumb and licked it clean, their eyes locked the whole time.

"Can I 'ave a cigarette now?" he asked breathlessly, to break the strange tension. Michael laughed.

"Yeah alright. You've earned it." He said, a hint of approval in his voice.

He took two out of the pack in his jacket pocket and passed one to Jay.

They leant against the car, looking at each other and smoking and occasionally sharing a dirty smirk.

"I almost forgot." Michael said and reached through the open window into the front seat. "you left your bag at my place." He chucked it at Jay.

"Oh." Jay said.

"You were rather over-prepared for a tumble on the carpet."

"You looked."

"Of course I did."

Jay looked down.

"So. Where were you going to go?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Jay's dealing-with-Michael-instincts told him not to play this game. For once he listened to them.

"That" he said, dropping his cigarette and grinding it into the ground with his trainer. "ain't none of your business."

"No. I suppose not." Michael smiled, the type which didn't reach his eyes.

"So what happens now?" Jay asked.

"I leave."

Jay's heart sank.

"I ignore you."

He took the zip of Jay's overalls down and fingered the bruises. Jay had to fight the urge to kiss his hand and beg him not to go.

"We go back to normal."

"Until your filter element gets clogged again." Jay tried to make it sound like a joke, but he couldn't stop the bitterness he felt coming across.

"I told you, I-"

Jay smacked his hand against the car with a loud crack.

"Fuck off! Just fuck _right_ off alright! Go back to your cosy house an' wife. And don't come near me ever again. I've learnt my lesson."

Michael nodded at that for longer than seemed necessary, as if resigning himself to it. Then he pushed himself off the car and got back into the driver's seat. He turned the key in the ignition and it started up with a majestic purr which in spite of himself made Jay feel feelings which weren't quite appropriate to have towards a car.

"Look at that." Michael grinned. "All better. You're a man of many talents, Jay Mitchell."

"Go fuck yourself." Jay retorted.


	3. Chapter 3

When Phil got back to the garage Jay excused himself and went home to change his underwear. It was uncomfortable walking back. He felt like everyone could tell just by looking at him what he'd been doing, the taste of Michael's come in the back of his throat. He felt dirty inside and out, like a crumpled tissue used and thrown away.

He decided right then that there was no way he could let this happen again. Letting it happen to him once was stupid and naive, but he'd been lonely and vulnerable. Twice was embarrassing, but he was caught by surprise. He couldn't take being rejected a third time.

He brushed his teeth twice and decided to take a shower. It wasn't until after, when he was picking his overalls off the bathroom floor that he felt the lump in his pocket which hadn't been there before. He reached in and was bewildered to discover £200 in rolled up twenties.

Jay's jaw tightened furiously.

That bastard.

Michael was in his office trying to divide his attention between an overdue costs spreadsheet Jack had asked (yelled) for him to finish, and the two sweaty teenage boys pummelling each other to death in the boxing ring outside his window. Needless to say which was getting more of his attention. It always tickled him how gyms were made for men to prove how manly they were to each other, when to him, their battles more closely resembled soft-core homoerotic porn.

He wondered why Jay Mitchell had stopped coming. And then briefly marvelled at the speed at which his thoughts jumped from homoerotic porn to Jay. Though it wasn't surprising given the fact that just a few hours before he'd unexpectedly given Michael one of the most delightful and spontaneous blow jobs he'd ever received. In his wife-to-be's car. It made being at her beck and call a whole lot more bearable.

Michael gave up and leant back in his chair. Then there was a loud crash as the office door was flung open and a certain irate ginger haired young man came storming in. Right on time.

"My my, back already? You are insatiable." He winked.

"What the hell d'you think you're playing at!?" Jay threw the roll of notes which Michael had slipped into his pocket after their little liaison at the garage, onto the desk.

Michael stood up and closed the door.

"I'm sorry?" he said innocently.

"What exactly do you think I am?" Jay said furiously. "Some kind of…" he didn't finish his sentence.

"Prostitute?" Michael supplied helpfully. "No."

"Then what're you giving me money for?"

"Would you have come storming into my office all alone and frustrated if I hadn't?" Michael grinned and closed the blinds on the windows facing the main gym, sealing them off.

Jay stared at him. "Prat." He said, astonished.

Michael leaned in to kiss him. Jay turned his head away with great effort.

"I told you I ain't doing this again." He didn't sound too sure about that, but Michael backed off anyway.

"Fine. All I'm asking is that you listen to me. I have a proposal for you."

"What?" Jay looked uneasy.

Michael leaned back on his desk.

"The money. It's yours, whatever. But I want you to come over to the flat again, tonight and whenever I feel like it after that."

Jay looked angry and opened his mouth.

"Look just hear me out okay? I want to help you out."

Jay glared but nodded for him to continue.

"I'm willing to pay you generously for your time, and in addition, you can use my apartment whenever you like. I get the feeling you're having problems at home, so if you ever need somewhere to stay, or some peace and quiet…I mean obviously Janine'll want to sell it eventually but until then, it's all yours, as long as nobody finds out you're using it. Okay?"

Jay looked tempted for a second, but shook his head.

"Still…it ain't right, paying me for doing it with you…"

"If by 'doing it' as you so charmingly put it, you mean having sex with me, you seem to have misunderstood the nature of my intentions."

Jay looked confused. Michael sighed.

"Okay I'll put it into shorter words. I wouldn't be paying you for sex. Certainly that would be high on my list of preferred activities for our time spent together, but it wouldn't be compulsory."

"So…you'd be paying me to hang out with you?"

"Exactly."

Jay thought about this.

"I don't know...I mean I've got a _girlfriend_."

"Just think about it. I'm offering you more money than you'd make in a _month_ working at that garage. You can use it however you want, go to university, buy a car, move out of Phil's house and get your own place to live. I bet that would _really_ impress Abby."

It was working. He could tell Jay was weakening.

"And on top of that, if you want I can get you a shift at the R&R during the evenings. The more money the sooner you can get out. You'd barely have to see Phil if you didn't want to."

Jay looked like he was about to say yes, but then thought better of it and shook his head vigorously.

"Dammit Michael, no! I don't want any favours from you alright? Just get out of my face!"

Michael shrugged.

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Fine. If you're not interested in discussing it further then you can show yourself out. I've got work to do." He sat down and turned back to his computer, keeping his face blank.

Jay lingered for a second, then left.

Michael was disappointed. Jay was proving harder to persuade than he'd expected. It seemed he really had offended the boy by ignoring him all day. He opened the blinds to go back to watching the two hunky gladiators thrashing around on their bouncy castle, but it seemed they had finished and been replaced with two inferior specimens. He sighed.

About a week passed, incredibly slowly for Jay. As much as he was certain he'd done the right thing telling Michael to stick his arrangement, the horny teenage boy side of him found it difficult to forget how excited it made him feel when they were together. This was made worse by Phil, Shirley and Ben's constant arguing making it ever more tempting to drift away into his fantasies at every opportunity. But he was determined not to let Michael win again, and did his best to put the man out of his head.

Except Abby then dropped the bombshell that she was leaving him behind for weeks to go on a trip to Costa Rica. He was happy for her, and proud and all that, he really was. But the thought of being left behind filled him with indescribable panic. So much so that he proposed to her, begged her to marry him just to keep her on the square. But she said it was just something she had to do. Her dream. He tried to understand. He told himself that they'd be back together when she got home anyway, and things could pick up where they left off.

"Why ain't she called me yet?" he asked Lola anxiously.

"Oh I dunno. Probably all them Costa Rican boys innit?"

"What!?"

"Joke!" she said, hitting him. "besides, you're meant to be cheering _me_ up!"

(She'd just been fitted with a tag by the police for vandalising the car lot.)

Then followed an afternoon of hair raising terror as they got themselves locked in the cellar of the empty pub they'd snuck into, and nearly didn't get Lola back before her curfew.

She started to cry, thinking she wouldn't be able to be a good mum. As much as Lola was fun to be with, she was hardly the responsible parent type. He tried his best to console her, by telling her what he honestly thought; that she would surprise everyone by being an amazing mum, and that the kid was lucky to have her. And she kissed him. Which he didn't mind, but he really couldn't deal with any more complications, so now he was avoiding her as well.

He shut himself in his room after an unbearably tense dinner of cold and barely edible pizza no one wanted. Heather was never more conspicuously absent than she was during meal times. The family was lost without her determination to cheer everyone up constantly. She would have been there for him. He would never in a million years have told her about the Michael thing, but she would have been there anyway.

Sometimes he looked at Ben and wished he was the one who was dead.

Jay sat on his bed with his arms around his knees, staring at his phone dejectedly. Abby said she would call him at half eight. It was now ten past nine. He knew it was probably late there, but still. Lola had warned him not to call her, she said Abby was probably busy and it would make him look desperate.

Please call. Please call._ Please_. He murmured, blinking back tears. _I can't do this anymore._

9:15. She wasn't going to call him.

He lost his resolve and dialled.

"Hello?" a sleepy voice answered.

"Hi…I'm sorry for calling so late. Please…I-" _I need you_. "-I really need to talk to you."

...

"Come in." Michael said, not commenting on Jay's rain soaked hair and clothes. Jay nodded and stepped inside, pushing the hood of his jumper down. Michael closed the door. For a moment they just stared at each other. For once Michael wasn't even trying to look smug, but Jay still felt about three inches tall.

"Where did you get my number?" Michael asked.

"Off Phil's phone."

"Right." Michael nodded. "Don't save it under my name on your phone."

"Of course. I saved it under 'My secret gay lover' with five kisses." Jay said sarcastically.

"Only five?" Michael raised an eyebrow, amused.

They had nothing to say so they kissed, firmly, almost warmly as their kisses went, at first just going through the motions, but then Michael's hand slid down to grope his arse, and Jay crossed his arms around the taller man's neck, elbows resting comfortably on the lapels of his suit jacket, fingers sifting through cut-short black hair.

He was struck by how cold people's mouths were. He always expected it to be hot, like his breath was hot, but it wasn't. It made him sad that he'd never admitted this to himself before. There was a police siren somewhere in the distance and they gravitated towards the bedroom purely by feel, knocking some letters off the sideboard and upsetting a half empty coffee mug.

Then Michael shut the bedroom door and the apartment was filled with the muffled sounds of sex and self-loathing.

A few hours and Jay was sitting up against the pillows in Michael's bed, staring numbly at the silhouette of the sleeping man, lying on his side, facing away.

There was something uncomfortably intimate about being naked in bed with someone else, practically a stranger really, who was also naked. As much as he told himself it wasn't weird, that they were sort of a thing now, it still felt wrong, like he was intruding by being there. He wished he could remember where he left his jeans. Or even his boxers would be a start.

He wondered if he should leave while Michael was asleep. It would make him feel less like he was being thrown out.

As if he could hear his thoughts Michael suddenly turned over and looked up at him. He looked a little surprised to see him, though whether that was because he'd forgotten Jay was there or was just unnerved to find him awake, Jay wasn't sure.

"Hello." Michael said.

Jay smiled weakly.

"Watching me sleep's a _bit_ weird I'll admit, but I'm flattered."

Jay rolled his eyes. "Just surprised to find out you sleep like a normal person, not hanging upside down from the ceiling."

"Hilarious." Michael said sarcastically. They grinned at each other and looked away.

"You looked like you were thinking about leaving." Michael sat up.

"Would you care?" Jay raised an eyebrow.

"Oh I'd be heartbroken." Michael chuckled. Jay couldn't tell whether he was at all serious or whether he was mocking him anymore. Maybe Michael couldn't either.

He hugged his knees tighter over the duvet and rested the back of his head against the leather headboard. Michael looked at him.

"I'm not going to throw you out if that's what you're worried about."

"What makes you think I'm worried about anything?" Jay said, irritably.

Michael laughed. "Uhh…the fact that you're in my bed at all?…_bit_ of a giveaway. Not to mention it's…" he twisted to look at the alarm clock, "3:45 in the morning and you're staring at the wall like it's got the secrets of the universe on it."

Jay sighed.

"It's just…do you ever feel guilty about things? Like things in the past you can't forget about?"

Michael looked at him like he was insane.

"Yes…but I don't usually stay up all night thinking about them."

"How'd you make them go away?"

Michael hesitated then reached for the silver chain round his neck and held it up for Jay to look at.

"A St Christopher?" Jay said. "Didn't know you believed in all that," he laughed "hey, I don't think you're meant to keep it on when you're doing it with a guy. Don't it count as blasphemy or something?"

Michael gave him a wry smile. "Okay firstly, if you're mature enough to '_do it' _you're going to seriously have to stop referring to having sex as '_doing it.' _Secondly no, I don't particularly believe."

"So why d'you wear it then?"

"It was a gift from my mother."

"Oh. She dead then?" Jay asked.

"Yep. Killed herself when I was fifteen. I found her body." His voice was shielded and emotionless. Watching Jay's reaction. Jay was quiet for a second, taking it in. Suddenly a lot of things about Michael made a lot more sense.

"My dad got murdered. My real dad I mean." Jay shared finally. He had a feeling Michael would find the usual response of 'I'm sorry' boring.

Michael raised his eyebrows.

"By who?"

"I dunno. I think he stole a lot of money from a gang and someone sent a group of thugs after us. They kept me hostage while they beat him up. Then I got fostered by Billy and became a Mitchell."

"Wow." Michael laughed. "You know you've had a screwed up childhood when living with the Mitchells seems like a stable home life in comparison."

Jay laughed, grateful for Michael's strange ability to see the funny side of dark things.

"You have a sexy laugh." Michael smirked, reached over and placed a hand on his side, kissing his chest, "What about your mum?" he murmured.

"She died before I moved here. Cancer." Jay said quickly, feeling that there was something terribly wrong with talking about his mother while Michael was sneakily molesting him under the covers.

"Hmm. Two dead parents. I guess you win."

"Oh yeah? What do I win?"

"A lifetime of emotional pain and inability to form meaningful relationships." Michael chuckled against his skin.

Jay smiled. "Yay for me."

"On the plus side, I _am_ about to suck you off. In case you were wondering."

Jay raised his eyebrows apprehensively.

"Oh." He said.

"Oh? That's your response?" Michael laughed.

"_Ohhhh_." Jay said, his tone changing as Michael's hand reacquainted itself with his genitals. He lay back down and spread his legs. Michael watched his face for a while as he fondled him into erectness, which didn't take long. _Thank god for teenage boys._ Then he ducked under the duvet, feeling his way in the darkness.

Jay alternated between quiet embarrassed laughter and the occasional moan at the strange new feelings of a wet mouth on his dick. He was grateful for the darkness as it hid the fact that he was blushing like a fucking tomato_, _and the duvet hopefully muted some of the unmanly noises he was making. Though judging by the muted chuckling coming from down there it sounded like Michael liked to hear them.

He covered his face with his hands, suddenly feeling vulnerable and stressed out. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was being played with.

Unfortunately this lapse in enjoyment translated downwards with almost immediate effect.

_Oh God. _He thought.

Michael finally resurfaced, looking awkward. Jay didn't wait for him to speak before rolling out of bed and scrambling to put on his jeans.

"What's wrong?"

Jay didn't reply, just pulled his jeans up hurriedly and looked around for his shirt.

Michael watched him warily.

"I must say, this isn't the reaction I usually get when I offer somebody a -"

"Will you just leave it please?" Jay snapped.

"Still uncomfortable with the terminology are we?"

"Fuck off."

"I suppose this is the part where you tell me this was all a terrible lapse in judgement and you don't want anything to do with me ever again?"

Jay stopped what he was doing and looked at the man lying in the bed behind him. Something inside him ached to crawl back into bed, and curl into him like a second skin. But the more rational part of him was urging him to get out before he let himself get too attached. Loneliness and guilt were slowly eroding him from the inside, he knew.

Michael got out of bed and stood in front of him. He'd acquired a pair of black pyjama bottoms from somewhere.

"What do you plan to do with your life if you don't mind my asking? Are you going to stay celibate until your little playmate gets back from her holiday? Keep working for Phil Mitchell day in, day out until you're thirty just to get by? And what about when young Abby finally gets an itch between her legs that she wants you to scratch? Will you fuck her like a dutiful boyfriend while all the time you're thinking about me, or about the pretty boys in the posters above her bed? Faking it every time like a tired housewife because she will _never _make you come, screaming your throat _raw_ like I can? Will you be _content_ with that!?"

"AT LEAST SHE WON'T KICK ME OUT THE MOMENT WE'RE DONE!" Jay screamed back, suddenly furious.

Michael looked uncomfortable.

"I said I'm not going to do that anymore."

"Oh right well _that's_ all fine then." Jay bit back sarcastically. He started to put his T-shirt back on but Michael snatched it away from him. Jay went to grab it back but stopped himself. Michael was far taller than him and any attempt to use physical force on him would prove counter-productive as he'd probably just enjoy it.

"Give it." He said tiredly.

Michael smirked.

"Oh come on. Whose reputation is really going to suffer if I'm seen walking out your apartment without a shirt?"

"At four in the morning I don't think it matters whether or not you're wearing a shirt." He grinned, looking like a shark more than ever, "Anyway, I'd just tell people you were robbing me and I caught your shirt but you got away. You'd be surprised how persuasive I can be."

"I don't think I'm capable of surprise where you're concerned. Will you GIVE ME THAT." He made a half-hearted swipe for it.

"I'm flattered, but I'm not letting you leave until you tell me what's making you behave like a teenage girl with PMT."

"Like a…!? I don't know, maybe the fact that you're acting like an _arsehole_."

"Well I'm sorry if I _offended_ you by trying to give you a blowjob!"

"ARGH YOU KNOW I DIDN'T MEAN _THAT_."

"Then what the hell is your problem? What were you going on about earlier about feeling guilty about something? Why were you planning on running away?"

"You know what? Just keep the fucking shirt."

Jay tried to leave but what Michael said next made him hesitate.

"You don't want to tell me? Fine, if I'm honest that suits me perfectly, I'm not particularly interested in your bleeding heart teenage dramas anyway. But don't use _your_ issues as an excuse to run away from what you want! You know you came here for a reason tonight!"

It was true. What did he have to go home to? Another broken home, another broken family. If he did what Michael wanted, he'd have money, power, freedom, a place to run to. He wouldn't be the stray kid nobody wanted anymore. He wouldn't be stuck sharing a roof with a thug and a psychopath much longer. He wouldn't have affection, or self-respect, but even that didn't seem like such a sacrifice when he got to have regular sex with an attractive man equally horny and infinitely more experienced than him.

"Alright." He said, finally.

"Alright?"

"Your deal. I'm in."

Michael smiled. He went to the desk where his wallet sat. He pulled out a wad of cash and counted it into Jay's hand.

"That's a hundred and fifty, all yours. Congratulations." He said. "Welcome to the world of doing slightly immoral things to pay the bills."

Jay stared at the money with mixed feelings of shame and greed.

"Thanks." He said absently. Michael clapped him on the shoulder then put an arm round him.

"No need to thank me. Just be on the bench waiting for me when I come home from work tonight."

Not asking him, telling him.

"If I'm carrying my jacket it means I want you here, if I'm wearing it you can go home. Keep your face hidden and wait until nobody's watching." He leant in closer, enjoying Jay's discomfort, "Never talk to me in public, or at least if you do, don't expect me to respond. Alright?"

"Yeah." Jay almost laughed. He felt oddly like a spy being briefed for a secret mission.

"Good." Michael said. He looked at the clock and murmured in Jay's ear, "We've got about an hour left before sunrise. Would you like to pick up where we left off?" Michael hooked his finger into the waistband of his jeans. It made him dizzy sometimes how quickly they transitioned from rage to lust and back. Michael seemed able to take it in his stride.

Jay forced an almost painfully weak smile as he let himself melt back against the older man. A smile which barely guarded uncertainty and frustration. Michael kissed it away hard, sucking, biting, barely giving him space to breathe. It was triumphant and demanding, Michael thought he'd broken him.

But if there was one thing Jay was good at, it was giving as good as he got.

"I believe you were saying something about making me scream my throat raw?"

**Hi there readers (: thank you for your kind reviews. LOL at whoever said they want to see jay give michael a blow job and for them to have sex. xD believe me, we are on the same page there my friend. But you may have to wait a little while first as this is going to be a pretty long running story (I am apparently incapable of any less), but don't worry, there are going to be more explicit sex scenes later on. **


	4. Chapter 4

Their morning shenanigans over with, Jay quickly dressed and went to the bathroom. While he cleaned himself up he counted the number of new hickeys Michael had given him. He didn't really remember when he'd done them, it all seemed so blurry afterwards. There was a big dark one above his right collarbone, another under his chin and along his jaw. There were two more on his left shoulder, along with an _actual_ bite on his right, which hadn't half made him yelp, though Michael had quickly swallowed any complaints with that bossy, domineering mouth. Strangely Jay was beginning to find it a turn-on, since it was usually quickly followed by pleasure, especially if he took it well and didn't cry out or do anything which might count as weakness in Michael's eyes.

He even tried giving Michael a taste of his own medicine, but the older man always seemed to know exactly what he was planning and Jay would find himself caught in a kiss, a hand over his mouth or his face being turned away with a mocking pat on the cheek. It was like a game, competing constantly for dominance, a game in which Jay only knew half of the rules and Michael always seemed to have the upper hand. It was annoying.

And once again he was left with the predicament of covering them from sight of his family and friends.

He padded into the living room to find Michael standing in front of the mirror, a forgotten glass of water held half way to his mouth. Jay was about to make a joke about how vain he was, but something in the way Michael looked stopped him. He was staring into the shadowed black eyes of his reflection, cold and indifferent, those eyes seemed to draw in light and give nothing back, like the eyes of a corpse or one of those photos of serial killers printed in the papers.

His short hair was sticking up and his shoulders were tensed and the morning light fell across the muscled contours of his bare back in a way which made Jay never want to look away, even though he knew he was blushing like a newlywed as his eyes travelled down the groove which led from between his shoulder blades down the small of his back and tapered off temptingly into the black jogging bottoms slung low on his hips.

He was so used to seeing him in a suit. On some level he'd probably just assumed Michael slept in them. Seeing him half-dressed made him appear less untouchable and more human, even though the expression on his face was slightly chilling. He wondered if this was just Michael's natural expression, and the mischievous smirks, polite smiles and the contortions of pleasure when he came, whether they were just a mask to tempt his unsuspecting prey, a defence mechanism like the suits he wore.

He knew it was bad but it thrilled him, knowing Michael was dangerous, evil even, but for whatever reason, he had chosen Jay to be his lover, (for the lack of any pleasant word to describe what they actually were to each other) to see him for what he truly was. It made him feel special.

Michael's gaze snapped onto Jay's pale blue eyes. In the blink of an eye his face animated itself into a seductive smirk, the mask had slipped, but it was back now.

"Like what you see?"

"Yes. Both of you." Jay gestured to the mirror. "You know if you hold a staring contest with your reflection you ain't gonna win right?"

Michael chuckled. "If I stare long enough maybe a nymph will take pity on me and turn me into a flower."

Jay gave him a baffled look.

"You never heard of the myth? Where a man falls in love with his reflection in the water and ends up wasting away of a broken heart until he's turned into a narcissus flower?" Jay shrugged. "What do they teach you kids these days?"

"How to obey orders, mostly." Jay said wryly, quoting one of Abby's sister Lauren's many rants about how unfair and oppressive the education system was. Michael laughed again. It made Jay feel good when he laughed.

"Fair enough. That why you left then?"

"Not really. It was okay actually. But we needed the money. I told Billy I 'ated it so he'd let me go work for Phil."

Michael nodded. There was a short silence before Jay remembered what he had come into the room for.

"D'you have a scarf or something I can borrow to hide these?" he gestured to his neck.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot." He disappeared into the kitchen and retrieved a blue and gold patterned gift bag from the table. He opened it and pulled out a long pigeon-grey scarf.

"Picked it up for you at the market. I was going to give it to you that time at the garage but…well you were pissed at me and uh…then I forgot. Thought you could use it to keep your indiscretions a secret from your family. May I?" Michael seemed strangely embarrassed to be caught doing something nice.

Jay smiled and nodded. Michael wound it round his neck carefully. It was the softest thing Jay had ever felt. It felt expensive and it smelled faintly of Michael's aftershave. He tried not to love it.

"Suits you." Michael nodded again awkwardly.

Jay stroked it happily.

"Cheers." he said, attempting to sound casual.

Michael smiled and yawned sleepily, raising his arms above his head and stretching.

If he'd been unable to stop staring at the back of him, Jay was now doubly captivated by the _front_ of him. He couldn't imagine Michael working out or doing anything that involved getting sweaty other than…well.

But though he appeared more wiry than muscular, somehow he still had strong arms, impressive abs, and pecs which made Jay extremely jealous, since he still had the concave chest and prominent ribcage of boyhood no matter how much he ate or lifted weights, and even the muscles he'd gained when he used to go boxing were slowly disappearing.

Michael's St Christopher glinted from the dark hair scattered neatly across the top of his chest, another striking difference between them. He had another thin strip leading from his navel to his groin once again hidden from view by those…agonisingly…low…jogging bottoms.

Oops. He was staring.

And Michael was smirking. Of course he was. When was he ever not smirking? Arrogant sod. Arrogant sod with _grooves_ peeking out of his underwear like the top of the letter V. It was difficult to describe how those grooves made him feel. He was apparently a fan of grooves. (What?) Oh dear.

"Something wrong?" Michael asked innocently.

Jay glared at him, "I HAVE TO GO HOME." He burst out nonsensically.

"And? I'm not stopping you."

"You know _exactly_ what you're doing." Jay averted his eyes and tried not to smile.

"I have no idea what you mean." Michael grinned and stretched again, deliberately flexing every muscle.

"Yeah right. Stop posing and put some clothes on, Calvin Klein."

"If you insist." Michael went to retrieve his shirt from the bedroom floor, where Jay had torn it off him the night before.

He walked Jay down the stairs to the front door. They stood semi-awkwardly in front of it for a moment. Jay was suddenly reluctant to leave, though he knew Phil would flip out if he found his bed empty. He found himself wishing Michael would kiss him goodbye or something but he knew that wasn't going to happen. Unnecessary affection wasn't his style.

"See you tonight then yeah?" he said finally.

"Yeah. As long as I can get Janine off my back."

Jay nodded and put his hood up. Without saying goodbye or looking back he opened the door and stepped out into the cold morning air, his heart racing as he kept his head down and hurried down the steps and out of the gate. No one would be up yet he knew, but he was still paranoid someone would look out their window or something and see him. That was the problem with living on the square. Secrets didn't stay secret for long.

...

Jay closed the front door with a soft click of the latch, concentrating so hard on not making a noise that he bloody near jumped out of his skin when Ben spoke from where he was sitting on the bottom stairs drinking a mug of tea.

"I was worried about you, you know that?"

"Cor you scared me half to death! What the 'ell're you doing sitting there?"

"Waitin' for you. What you been doing?"

"I went for a walk didn't I? Move it will ya?" he tried to push past his brother.

"You ain't been walking since midnight 'ave you? That's when I noticed you were gone." Ben refused to let him past.

"So what if I 'ave? Ain't got nuffin to do with you has it?" Jay glared at him defiantly.

Ben looked at him curiously.

"You can trust me Jay. We're brothers ain't we?" he smiled in a way which was probably meant to be reassuring but actually made him feel sick.

"Course we are. Look, there's nothing to tell alright?"

"Who were you with? You got a secret girlfriend or something? Honestly, Abby ain't been gone a week!"

"No! I weren't with no one alright!" he finally managed to barge his way past.

"Right." Ben said sarcastically. "Well '_No one'_ sure made a mess of your neck."

Jay froze.

_Shit._ He thought, pulling the scarf tighter around his neck.

"If you tell _anyone-_"he snarled aggressively, getting right up in Ben's smug little face. Unfortunately this tactic didn't work half so well now Ben had acquired a backbone, and an unsettling streak of cruelty which flashed up in his eyes now like a warning sign before being smoothed away into a calm smile.

"relax _brother_. Your secret's safe with me. As long as mine are safe with _you_ that is." He gave a short, sinister laugh.

And there it was. That overriding instinct of self-preservation which led him to lie, cheat, and destroy anyone unlucky enough to be near him. Jay suddenly couldn't breathe for loathing him.

Family. _Brothers. _What a fucking joke.

He gritted his teeth and nodded silently before breaking eye contact and stomping upstairs. He got into bed, on his side facing the wall, as far as he could physically get from where Ben slept soundly in the other bed. He found himself listening obsessively to the other boy's breathing, trying to work out whether or not he was really sleeping. Eventually Jay turned over around ten to six to look at the slumbering murderer.

Ben was staring straight back at him.

...

"What's with the scarf?" Phil asked the next day, handing him a cup of tea.

Jay scooted out from under the car and sat up on the creeper. He zipped his overalls up over the scarf self-consciously, even though it was an unusually warm day, and he'd been on his back under a Ford Fiesta for most of it.

"What's wrong with it?" he asked, a little defensively, wiping his sweaty face with his sleeve.

"Nuffin. Nuffin." Phil said quickly, bemused at Jay's reaction. "Just ain't your normal kind of thing. Present from Abby?" he smiled knowingly.

Jay scowled at his tea. "I ain't heard from her in days."

Phil looked uncomfortable.

"Well she's on 'oliday ain't she? You shouldn't let it bother you."

"Did I say I was bothered?" Jay snapped.

Phil gave up.

"Look, I'm headin' home for some lunch, you coming?"

"Yeah, 'ang on just let me wash my hands first." Jay sighed, placing his empty mug on the floor.

He washed the sticky black oil off at the sink and wiped his hands on a rag before following Phil out of the garage. He normally liked this part of the day, the only time he could spend at home without Ben there. Phil wasn't the most skilled conversationalist, but he was fairly pleasant company.

Today however, he was too jittery about his imminent liaison with Michael to enjoy his food. He'd been unfocused all day, dropping things, hitting his head on the exhaust several times when he was under the car. He'd never been so nervous before, even on his first date with Abby. The night before played on his mind. What if he couldn't…perform? Michael was hardly likely to be understanding about it. And the more he worried the more he regretted accepting the stupid deal in the first place, and the less he was in the mood for it, but he hadn't thought to ask what the protocol was if _he_ couldn't make it.

"Jay? Jay! You listening or what?" he suddenly became aware that Phil had been trying to speak to him.

"Hmm?" he looked up from the kitchen counter where he was preparing a cheese sandwich. Phil suddenly clapped an awkward hand onto his shoulder.

"Look, mate, I understand it's been tough on you lately. It has for all of us. I want you to take the afternoon off."

"I'm fine, really-"

"I insist alright? A break'll do you good."

"Okay." Jay smiled. "cheers."

After this exchange Jay was left alone to chew on his sandwich and ruminate on how to use this unexpected freedom. He decided to find Lola. If there was one person who could distract him from thinking about Michael it was her. And he had £150 to spend, he suddenly remembered. Wow. That felt strange. He had no idea what to do with it so he'd left it in his pocket.

As expected, Lola immediately pounced on the chance to get out of the house for the afternoon.

"Course I'm free you muppet! I'm eight months pregnant and wearing a tag, I ain't exactly got much of a social life at the moment. What d'you wanna do?"

"Well…I just got paid, so I was thinking about going shopping, like for clothes and stuff. Only I'm rubbish at stuff like that so I'd need your help."

She squealed and clapped her hands in delight. "Oh my god are you serious?" then she stopped jumping and looked at him suspiciously. "Wait, last time I tried to take you shopping you said you didn't need new clothes and that you'd rather stick pins in your eyes. What's changed?"

Jay shifted uncomfortably. "Okay I'm sorry I said that. I sort of want to um…look a bit less…um. I dunno."

"Awww!" Lola giggled suddenly. "Is this about trying to win Abby back? It is ain't it? Oh you're so cute!"

Jay rolled his eyes. "Yeah…I guess."

"Say no more Prince Charming! Your fairy godmother is on the case!"

They actually had a pretty nice time together. Lola dragged him to Superdry and Topman and Abercrombie and Fitch, and any other shops which caught her eye. Which was pretty much every shop. She wasn't the most focussed of shoppers. She also attempted to convince him that a pink and black mini-dress from River Island was 'totally his colour.' Since he had the money for it he decided to indulge her, and bought it before 'suddenly' realising it was the wrong size for him and asking her if she knew anyone who was a size 8 (or anyone who would be once they'd given birth). She threw her arms around him and kissed him.

"Lo…" he said, suddenly worried he'd given the wrong impression, "You know I think you're great an' everything but-"

"Oh shut up." She pouted, "I know you only got eyes for Abby. Can't a girl have a nice outing with her fantasy boyfriend without reality getting in the way?"

"Fantasy boyfriend?" he laughed.

"Yeah, I'm fed up with being single, so sometimes I pretend we're together, and the kid's yours. Got a problem with that?"

"No…I guess not. Just so long as Abby don't hear about it."

"Good." She kissed him again, on the cheek this time.

"You're a bit mad sometimes, d'ya know that?"

She laughed and shushed him and proceeded to drag him towards a photo booth for their first 'family photo,' which he allowed, against his better judgement. There was something about Lola he just couldn't resist. One bat of her blue eyes, one mischievous grin and he was effectively her bitch. Maybe because they were both lonely and damaged in some way.

She grabbed his hand when they were walking back to the tube station.

"I wish you were her dad. I think you'd be amazing at it." She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder.

"If she's anything like you I'd be skint within a week!" he said mock-accusingly.

"That's why you'd be amazing at it." she laughed. He wasn't sure he understood what she meant by that, but he laughed anyway. He suddenly wished he could tell her the truth about Michael, but as much as he liked her, she was a bit of a loose cannon, and he couldn't be sure how she'd react. Plus if Michael found out he'd told someone already, he'd go for the self-preservation approach, freeze him out and act like they were nothing to each other.

"Hey hang on a sec." he said to Lola and on impulse he ducked into a newsagent to buy a pack of fags.

"Do you have any ID to show you are 18?" A short, balding Indian man with a thick accent asked him suspiciously. Jay adopted Lola's trick of brazenly insisting and lying to get her way, and told the man calmly that he didn't have it on him but he was most definitely 18.

"You callin' me a liar?" he asked.

The man knew he wasn't 18, but Jay knew small shops like these often couldn't afford to risk angering their few customers, so he got away with a pack of Marlboro Lights.

"Since when do you smoke?" Lola asked, surprised at his unusual display of rebellion.

"I don't. Shirley asked me to get 'em. She ain't feelin' well." He lied.

Lola smiled sympathetically and gave him a hug. "You're too nice you are, that's your problem. People always take advantage."

Jay laughed. "Oh _do_ they? You're welcome for that dress by the way."

She grinned shamelessly. "That's exactly what I mean. You're always 'elping out people who don't deserve it. Don't you get tired of it?"

Jay smiled and thought for a while before replying, "Well I think people are worth it don't I?"

"That," She said, "is your other problem."


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello followers, I'm really sorry this isn't a chapter if you got excited. This story is on hiatus until I finish my other one. I miss this story but I can't juggle two anymore and the other one has more people waiting for it. I'm sorry I didn't explain this before, I was hoping to finish the other story quicker but it looks like it may be a couple of months yet (I'm a busy student applying for university I'm afraid.)**

**But never fear, I will finish this story some day. I hope this hasn't put you off.**


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